Gossip Girl’s most ridiculous storylines over its six seasons
And we let them get away with it
It was the mid 2000s TV show that became a cult classic and had us all asking “Who is Gossip Girl?” for six years. Little did we know the massive reveal of the scandalous blogger’s real identity wouldn’t even be the show’s most outrageous moment. While the show’s first season chronicled Manhattan’s elite and their social lives, the scope of the series soon expanded with new characters and crazier and crazier storylines.
In honour of Netflix removing Gossip Girl from Netflix today (sob) here’s a roundup of the craziest storylines we let them get away with.
Lily and Rufus’ love child
One of the more endearing love stories of the show, Rufus and Lily finally get together after 20 years of back and forth, but not without a few complications. One such complication was the arrival of their long lost love child, Scott, who Lily gave up for adoption years ago without consulting Rufus. When Scott rocks up to scope out his adoptive parents and date Vanessa (ugh she’s the worst), it causes a big ruckus for the Van der Woodsen/ Humphrey clans. Things eventually fall into place and Lily and Rufus tie the knot with Scott present, but then he promptly disappears from the series, never to be mentioned again. This storyline is straight out of Days of Our Lives, what’s next, an evil twin?
Chuck’s dead mother appearing then disappearing again
Poor Chuck, he really doesn’t have a great time with his family. After his father dies (the first time) Chuck visits his grave and finds a mysterious beautiful older woman placing his mother’s favourite flowers on the tombstone, and he correctly assumes she’s his long lost mom Elizabeth, who he believed died giving birth to him, wow. The two reconnect and start bonding. When Chuck is accused of sexal harassment by his hotel employees (makes sense) he decides to sign over his hotel to Elizabeth for safe keeping. Too bad for him it turns out the whole thing was a plot by his evil uncle Jack to steal the hotel from Chuck. If that wasn’t bad enough, Elizabeth isn’t the only person in the show to play the mom card with Chuck (remember good ol’ Diana Payne)? This story was ludicrous and downright heartbreaking.
Serena dates her teacher after putting him in jail
Amidst the long string of Serena’s terrible boyfriend choices (like the married congressman, the guy running the Ponzi scheme, her professor, and the guy who slept with her mother) the worst had to be the bizarre relationship with her former teacher Ben Donovan. First revealed as a shady figure serving a prison sentence and conspiring with Nate’s girlfriend Juliet Sharp to destroy Serena for reasons unknown (this seems to happen a lot), it later comes out that Juliet is Ben’s sister and is seeking revenge for a false allegation that left Ben in jail. Long and frankly outrageous story short, it’s revealed that in order to get Serena to transfer back to school in New York, her mother Lily faked an affidavit on behalf of Serena accusing Serena’s teacher Ben of rape so that the Conneticut boarding school where he worked would be blackmailed into improving her grades. Yup, we’re not making this up. Then to put a cherry on the top of this crazy cake, Serena and Ben fall in love and begin dating, all while he deals with the criminal record the false allegation has left him with. Wow.
Bart Bass’ fake death
Chuck’s father’s death in season two was a big game changer and a huge formative moment for the complicated character, so it was fairly crazy when Bart Bass reappeared in season five, having faked his death for weird illegal reasons. Not only was this a huge shake-up for the family (Lily annulled her marriage to Rufus and went back to Bart which is weird because she didn’t like him in season two), it was also the catalyst for an all out war with Chuck and his father that ended in Bart’s actual death at the end of season six.
Chuck becoming a French pauper
In a totally heartbreaking season three finale, Chuck is shot and left for dead while walking through the streets of Budapest and mourning the end of his relationship with Blair. It was an insane ending, but not as insane as picking up season 4 where we find him living penniless under an assumed identity in Paris and dating Eva, a former prostitute who nursed him back to health. After an emotional reunion with Blair in a Parisian train station (you know you cried), he returns to New York. What a rollercoaster.
Lily’s fake cancer
This one is a bit convoluted because a lot of the drama happens off screen, but essentially Lily secretly goes off to see her ex-husband William van der Woodsen because she’s unwell and he’s a doctor. He both diagnoses and cures her of cancer, realises he’s in love with her, then fake diagnoses her with cancer again so that he can get closer to her. Unethical doesn’t even begin to describe this guy. The craziest thing about this storyline is that, a few seasons later, Lily and William end up together. What?? I get angry just thinking about it.
Blair marrying a Prince who then turns evil
Season four picks up with Blair and Serena getting over heartbreak with a trip to Paris, and while visiting her favourite Manet at the Musee d’Orsay, Blair meets and flirts with a young and incredibly handsome Prince from Monaco, Louis. You know, regular vacation stuff. It’s not too long before Blair and Prince Louis are engaged (yikes) but as soon as they get married (like literally at the wedding) he flips a switch and goes from prince to beast, threatening to control her life forever since their divorce will come at the steep price of her dowry (are these still a thing?) and ruin her family financially. Look Blair’s no picnic but this was a lot, thank goodness for billionaire Chuck Bass who bought her freedom, though yeah that was also a tad problematic.
Blair and Dan hooking up
While not as crazy as fake death or conspiring convicts, this relationship had an audible “scraping bottom of the barrel” vibe to it, and provided fans with one of the most divisive pairings in TV history. We shouldn’t have been surprised really, Gossip Girl was famed for pairing all of its characters up to try and drive story (Serena and Dan, Serena and Nate, Nate and Blair, Nate and Vanessa, Dan and Vanessa, Chuck and vanessa, Chuck and Blair), the Blair and Dan combo was one of very few left for them to try in season five. Not only did this infuriate Chair fans, it also felt completely forced and sometimes hard to watch as their awkward relationship isolated them from their inner circle who were just as freaked out by it as me. That said, there is a faction of fans who support this, so I suppose to each their own.
Rufus dating Ivy Dickens
Sadly once Rufus and Lily’s relationship falls apart all together (how did this happen?) he does what a lot of people do and has a weird rebound relationship. But this is no ordinary weird relationship, this is a weird rebound relationship with the decades younger actress/ con artist who posed as his niece to swindle the Van der Woodsen family out of a big chunk of change. So yeah seeing Rufus going from making waffles and treating Ivy (posing as Charlie Rhodes) as a daughter-type figure to banging her on a couch is very weird.
Gossip Girl’s identity
Here it is, the final crazy bomb. Sure we knew that the announcement of Gossip Girl’s identity was unlikely to live up to the frenzied anticipation built up over the show’s six seasons, but Dan, really, Dan?? Word on the street is that the writers knew from day one that Dan would be the tea-spilling icon, but man it sure doesn’t feel like it. While the concept of the total outsider secretly running circles around Manhattan’s elite could have been great, there were some major plot holes throughout the show when it comes to this reveal. Like all the times Gossip Girl outed Dan as a cheater and blew up his relationships, we’re supposed to believe he did that to himself? Also you know, that time he had a full blown text conversation with GG, who was actually him? I’m done.
Love it or hate, at least Gossip Girl was never boring, and I for one will miss it on Netflix!
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